Emotional

I've always been a sensitive person.  I cry at those cheesy Folgers coffee  commercials at Christmas.  You know the ones where the brother comes home from college and makes a pot of coffee?  I cry at movies and tv shows when a character dies or some such thing.  I care about people, especially those that I am close to. 

It isn't always easy to deal with and I know that I'm an emotional eater.  Not when I'm angry or someone is angry with me.  I don't like confrontation and it often leaves me with a knot in my stomach and I can go days without eating when that happens.

When I'm sad, well that's a different story.  Give me chocolate, chips, ice cream whatever. 

The past few days have been really hard for me.  I'm dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and I'm trying my best not to eat the emotions but I'm honestly not making the best decisions.

I was working a multi day event this weekend with a great group of collegues, people I consider to be my friends.  I had seen them all on Saturday while at the event, but as I was the opening shift, they were the closing shift, I left the venue around 2pm with plans to meet up with my friends back at the hotel for dinner. 

About the time I was expecting them to arrive back at our hotel I received a call that they had been in an accident.  Five of them were in the same car and they had a collision with another vehicle.  My knee jerk reaction was to go to them.  Ascertain where they were and just go to them.  Help them, soothe them, do whatever I could for them. 

Ultimately I stayed at the hotel and coordinated with our manager and director, made calls, and texted back and forth.  Packed up their hotel room and made arrangements for their belongings to get back to them. 

I didn't have time to process anything at the time other than just keep working, keep doing things, we had one more day of the event to get through and I worked to get through it.  I didn't let myself dwell on the what could have been's or anything else.  I knew that everyone was going to be all right, everyone was released from the hospital and they were all at home with their loved ones.

I didn't really start to react until Monday for some reason.  Perhaps I was too exhausted from all of the hours I had put in, keeping myself busy.  When I went to work on Monday we had a staff meeting to talk about what had happened and to be updated on how everyone was.   During the staff meeting I started crying.  I kept telling everyone I was fine, I was just tired.  It was after the staff meeting that I broke into the "Emergency" chocolate that we keep in our area for the sugar fix when we need it to get through an event.

I'm trying very hard not to eat my emotions.  I've either spoken with or texted with those who were involved in the accident, I know that they are all right and will heal in time, but I'm still not making the best choices.  I'm struggling and I know that I'm going to pay for that on the scale this week.

How that will effect me?  It's too early to tell. I'm trying desperately to not allow it to effect me, but I know that it will. 

I guess I just had to write about this tonight, to reach out into the vast unknown and admit that I'm struggling. Something I don't like to admit to myself at all.

Ready to run again

It's been a couple of months since I hit the reset button and things are still going well.  It's been a bit of a challenge the past couple of weeks as I've been going through some personal stuff that I won't discuss here.  I only mention it as I'm proud of how well I've been handling things.

I've been under a lot of pressure and stress and what I've learned is paying off.  I had a major weight loss this week.  Although I've asked not to be told my weight, the receptionist today did tell me that I had done very, very good and I should be proud.

I appreciated her kind words, as it did make me feel a little bit better about how I've handled dealing with the stuff going on.

My husband and I had a stay-cation this week,  we had several appointments throughout the week but we were able to spend quality time with each other which has been great.  September was such a busy month for me with work, and I've also had quite a busy October as well, as I get two more of my events up and running.  My third event has it's first committee meeting this week, and I'm helping out with our Hockey for Alzheimer's event as well in a couple of weeks.

Our stay-cation was much needed quality R&R time with each other and I'm very grateful to have had the time for it.

My ankle is feeling much better, it's been a few weeks since it has ached so I'm going to slowly start back to running this week.  I looked up my old running chart from when I first joined the learn to run clinic a year and  a half ago, so I have that to follow until a new run clinic starts in January.

Last week was the Rock' n 'Roll  1/2 Marathon that I had registered for.  I wasn't able to run it so when I went to pick up my kit with my friend Jill, I signed up for next year's run so that I have a half marathon goal to shoot for.

I'm excited about getting back to running and I'm looking forward to it as well.  I'm hoping that it will be a stress reliever for me and I'll be able to run away the stress that I've been feeling.

Reset is working.

So three weeks ago I hit the rest button on my weight loss journey.  I'm very happy to report that on my Saturday weigh in I was down again.  I don't know how much I was down, but I was down and that's what is important.

It's been a challenging weekend for me with food this weekend. I haven't made the best food choices but I've tracked everything I've eaten and I'm happy for it.  I may not have any weekly flex points left after today's family bbq, but I had everything in moderation and enjoyed myself. 

I think I probably over estimated my points but that's a good thing.

This is a crazy busy week for me at work as I have a packed schedule.  Tuesday will be a challenge.  I have one of those rare 12 hour days as I have a morning of meetings and then a committee meeting for my upcoming event.  It's our last meeting before the event happens so I baked a banana bread to take with me to feed everyone.  I am taking my chopped salad for lunch and dinner, cereal for Breakfast and I have a banana, orange and some prune plums for snacking on.

By the way, if you're in the Metro Vancouver, Lower Mainland area, and want to join a great fitness event for a great cause, consider joining us on September 27th at Grouse Mountain.  The website for full details is www.hikemkgg.com

I won't be actually doing the Grouse Grind as I'm the Special Events Officer.  I'll be the one keeping everything on track and ensuring that it all goes smoothly.  If you do happen to join us, stop at the check in tent and ask them to find me.  I'd love to say hello and thank you for coming out!  

Hitting the rest button.

I came to a humbling realization two weeks ago, and with the great support of my Weight Watchers leader Mare (The best leader ever!)  I have hit the reset switch.  We reset my weight watcher information.  I hated seeing my pounds lost shrink as I've been dealing with my ankle injury and medication changes.  It was getting harder and harder to go to my meetings.  It was getting harder to face the same people week after week, knowing that I was gaining week.

I couldn't face seeing that number shrink, so we hit the reset switch.  I've reset my weigh watchers journey.  I've reset my activity.  I've hit the reset switch and I'm feeling good about it.

The first week of my reset I was down.  I don't know how much as I've asked not be given my number.  I don't want to know.  I just want to know if I am up or down.

When I'm feeling comfortable in my skin again. I may ask for the booklet I should have for recording my weight, but at this point I don't want it.

I think I've done pretty good this week as well. I'm tracking everything.  Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) get tracked before it goes in my mouth.

I'm already feeling better in my head space about my journey and I'm glad that I've hit the reset switch.   I'm even more glad for that stubborn streak I appear to have that kept me from quiting!

Wow where did the summer go?

My goodness where did the summer go?  It's been a busy summer and a frustrating one at the same time.

My ankle is taking its sweet time healing and I've been very frustrated with it. I haven't been able to run for so long now that I'll have to start all over again when I can run again. 

I've had to drop out of multiple races, although I did walk one race last weekend with my husband and cousin.  

We did the inaugural PNE Donut dash. A 5k race on opening weekend of the PNE. It was a hot muggy day but we had fun. I had to encourage my husband and cousin to go on without me as the further into the race we went the slower I  got as my ankle hurt. 

It was a great race and we had a blast ding it. It was really neat to be able to go around the fairgrounds before it was open. 

The race jig jagged through the park. The different characters from the shows at the fair were along the route to cheer you on. As you went down the fairway on one side you were handed bags of cotton candy. On the other side you were given little bags with 5 hot fresh mini donuts. When you crossed the finish line you got the ultimate in bling.  A beautiful medal, the largest one I have received to date. 

With your race kit you also received an entry to to the park. We decided to stay and go to the Beatles exhibit at the fair. Gary is a huge Beatles fan and we all really enjoyed it. 

All in all it was a great day.  A week later and my ankle is still sore, but it is hopefully getting better. 

Frustrated

I'm frustrated, so very, very frustrated.  My ankle has taken it's sweet time healing.  It's been seven weeks since I had to drop out of the Vancouver BMO.  I got the clearance to start running again last week.  I'm allowed to run for 30 seconds and then walk for 4 minutes.

I went for my first attempt at running after six weeks and I was thankful I was only running for thirty seconds as that's all I could handle.  I was huffing and puffing like a steam locomotive.  It has amazed me how quickly I've gotten out of shape.  I'm frustrated to be starting over again and already I'm doubting whether I'll be able to train in time for the Vancouver Rock'N'Roll half marathon in October.

I'm frustrated by my weight gain.  I've gained weight every week for the past seven weeks.  I didn't go to Weight Watchers last Saturday as I was volunteering at the Abbotsford Police Challenge Run.  To be honest I didn't want to weigh in.  It's the same with this Saturday.  I don't want to go to  WW.  I know I'm going to be up.  I weighed myself this morning.  I know what the number is going to be and it's a number that I haven't seen in almost three years and that terrifies me.  I've gained over ten pounds since March.

I'm frustrated with myself.  I've been working from home since March as our office undergoes renovations and it has not been good for me.  I don't get my activity in, my chair is literally four steps to the kitchen and a plethora of snack foods.  It's not all bad food, but when you eat just for the sake of eating this is the result.

I'm frustrated with my clumsiness.  I re-joined the gym on Monday, with the knowledge that my running friend and car pool buddy goes to the gym religiously and if I go with her, then I'll get my weight moving again.  I went on Monday night after work, had a good work out using the elliptical, I worked up a sweat, I had fun.

Then Monday night I took a tumble, fell hard, bruised both of knee's, hurt my back and smashed my elbows.  I'm a bruised mess.  I went to my sports doctor for my regular treatment on my ankle and she is concerned.  Where the pain is in my back is concerning for her, she wants me to get x-rays, so off I go to my Doctor on Friday, where he will hopefully concur or rule out the injury.  However, until I know for sure, she doesn't want me to do anything more strenuous than a light walk.

It seems for every step forward, I'm taking five steps back....and I'm frustrated.

Rough week.

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me and my running. I've been dealing with a nagging ankle for the past couple of weeks. I was looking forward to the BMO 8K this weekend. 

It is not meant to be. I've had to drop out of the race al together. My ankle has been getting worse. For the first time ever, this week my Sports Dr. Wrapped my ankle on Tuesday. She was concerned with the swelling and the shooting pain that I've been getting through it.  

I went back on Thursday and as she was treating me she began asking questions that I knew  weren't ones I wanted to hear.   Even harder to hear as she began to tape my ankle were my options. 

She would come to my hotel in Vancouver as she was going to be there anyway and wrap the crap out of my ankle so I could WALK the 8k race.  It  

could mean risking further injury and setting me back potentially for months.  Option two was to not do the race. Not do any excessive walking or running for three to four weeks and slowly build my way back to running.  

I have to admit. Laying there on her table I started to cry. This was my race. This was the "Race" I worked so had for and I couldn't do any of it. 

I was so disappointed and frustrated. So many thoughts were running through my mind and I couldn't make a decision. My knee jerk answer was yes come to the hotel. What time?  What do I need to have for you?    

I guess she could sense the internal battle going in in my head as she wrapped my ankle when she told me to think about it. Talk to my husband and text her by the end of the night. 

When I got out to my car. I cried some more, yelled a little, I may have even taken my frustration out on the poor steering wheel. 

When I got home I took a picture of my wrapped ankle and texted it to my husband. He called me as soon as he got it to ask if I was alright. I started to give him what my options were and as I was taking to him I knew what I had to do. 

I texted the Dr.  And told her that common sense and my husband had prevailed.  We were still going to go to the race.  However,  I'm going to be the best darned spectator I can be. 

So if you're running in the Vancouver BMO Marathon, half Marathon or 8K. Look for the lady wearing red around Pender and Jervis. That will be me cheering, clapping and holding my signs up!