I didn't get to the gym on Tuesday for my usual work out so I went today instead. I took my running clothes with me to work and got changed before the end of the day so that when I got dropped off by my car pool I could get on with the task of running 8K.
To be honest I wasn't looking forward to spending an hour and 20 minutes on a machine and I will be so happy when it is still light out when I get home from work. I would much rather run outside then on a treadmill but in my area there simply isn't the space to do so properly in the dark. Even wearing a vizvest and headlamp. There are very few sidewalks in my neighbourhood.
To the gym I went and almost right away I was uncomfortable. It was really busy in the locker room and I was glad to be just storing my bag and going upstairs. It was packed upstairs as well. A lot of really fit women running, cycling, on elliptical, in exercise class and lifting weights.
I'm fairly used to being the largest person in the room, and the slowest. I'm used to the stares, the whispers and the eye rolls. It normally doesn't get to me but tonight it did. I had to fight through every single minute of my run tonight.
I was intimidated by all the fit people around me. The woman running at 7mph on the treadmill next to me, the woman walking at a 10% incline on the other side of me. The women on the bikes behind me. I just felt awkward and horrible and my run was hard.
It wasn't just the distance of 8K or the speed at 3.5mph (I need to get faster to get under the18min per mile minimum for the 1/2 marathon), or doing 3:1's. It was my head. Negative Nelly got in my head and had me doubting myself, and I hate that. I know full well, that I'm not competing with anyone in that gym. I know it, but I felt that self doubt creep in and I had to fight it the whole time.
When I switched from Treadmill to the AMT machine at the end of 60 minutes, (there wee a couple of people waiting for treadmills, so I didn't feel right stopping it and restarting for the last few kilometers). I almost didn't continue. I almost walked out but I stuck with it.
When I was done my 8K I was off the machine and out the door, granted my wonderful husband had arrived to pick me up, but I was proud of myself for sticking with it. Perseverance paid off today...in a big way!